He stood in a corner and watched her laughing with her collegues. It was an official party – he should've not been there at all. But he had to see her. It was a while since he hasn't looked for her – not because he didn't want to, just things happened so. But now, now he was so eager to her, he had to come. No matter if someone realized he didn't belong.
He stared at her. She slaughtered everyone with her beauty. She wore a simple sleeveless ankle-lenght almost-black blue robe with a kerchief on her shoulders. Her hair was put in a bun and a simple dark blue flower was placed in it. Her eyes glowed as she laughed. She was perfect as every time – but now a bit more perfect. She was standing at the other side of the pool and seemed happy. He wished she could be so happy every time. But there were so many spoilers which made it bitter...
He slowly began to pace towards the company but stopped to drip his finger in the water. It was lovely warm. He thought of Lake Silencio. It was also a twenty-second of April, as now. Did she think of that today too?... His hearts started to burn with pain. She was in prison because of him for almost fifty years. And she loved him all along it. How could she be so affectionate, so forgiving, so perfect?... He could not figure it out how he deserved that woman.
He thought of every time he hurted her. Sometimes without known, sometimes willingly. He sighed bitterly. How could he be so cruel along the times? Yes, he did not know her. He wanted to know who she was – not just who she was, but who she was to him. But it didn't mean he was allowed to hurt her. No. He wasn't but he did. He felt so guilty. He would never forgive himself, even when she did. And she did. Every time. But he was hanging on her heartache – enough rope for his sake – and still he was the one who was loosing every time. He knew this. 'Cause she forgave. And with that she let the hurt go. But he didn't. Never. He kept the hurts for himself. Maybe he thought he could keep the memories just by keeping the hurt.
He slowly stood up from the pool and went back to the corner. No. He did not have the right to disturb her. Not now, when she was so happy.
He turned back to watch her talking to her friends. He knew he could be there. He just had to say he was her husband and everyone would allow him. Free his wife from the gossip about her husband. Take her hand and laugh with her. Get aquianted to her friends and collegues. Live normal life with her. Work something. Let the Universe roll on itself.
He sighed. No, it wasn't what she wanted. She didn't want to keep him. She never wanted to possess him. She always let him go without a word. Without a glance of judgement. Without sorrow. She always knew he would come back. And he did. But sometimes it was a little longer than she expected. And he knew this quite well. He saw the sadness in her eyes beside the joy when he arrived after a longer pause. She never blamed him just was happy to keep him close for a while. Even when it was just a few hours.
When she was in prison she did with it better. She was much younger then, full with hope, full with passionate love for him. She could wait till the end of the world for him. Not that it would've changed, just became other. She had a life now, she had job and friends beside of him. She did not have to think about how to escape prison, she did not have to wait to get news about him. She had a whole life now. Nothing missing – except him. Sometimes when he arrived to her door he looked in through the window and saw her sitting by the table and sipping her tea – but he saw the sadness in her eyes as they were locked in the distans. He knew she was missing something. He knew she was missing him beside her. Once he take the courage and asked her:
'I could stay if you wished.' He said. He laid on her sofa, his head in her lap. She smoothed his hair and smiled sadly.
'No.' She said simply. He looked up to meet her eyes but she was looking away.
'How do you mean 'no'?' He frowned. She sighed.
'I ment as I said. You couldn't.' She looked at him and their eyes met. He knew what she was talking about. He sighed.
'I could try at least.' He looked away. 'I could do it for you. I could do everything for you.'
She smiled and let a little laugh out.
'My beautiful idiot.' She sighed. 'No, you couldn't. It would drove you mad. And I don't want to live with a mad man.'
'Not a mad man with a box?' He asked with a little hint of chirp. She laughed lightly.
'Mad man with a box is something different.' She said and leaned down to kiss him.
'But I still say I could handle it. For you.'
She smiled and smoothed his hair away from his eyes. He pulled her down and kissed her with full love.
He ment it but never stayed. Not that she has ever told him to stay. Maybe she wanted to keep him aside but could never push him into anything he would be unhappy about. And she knew he would be unhappy without his little trips through time and space. She was unhappy without them as well. But she had a life. A calm life which she wouldn't let go for anything. Well, maybe for a stable life with her husband - but she knew they couldn't have it. Their timelines were antiparallel after all.
He decided to leave. His hearts were full with sorrow and pain and guilt. He felt he couldn't talk to her right now, no matter how long it was last time. He slowly walked out from the garden back to his beloved blue police box. He entered her and sat down by the consol. He sighed and smoothed his hair away. He wanted to have her right there. To held her hand. To hug her. To feel her. But he knew he did not deserve her.
Suddenly a silent knock was heard on the door. He froze. Who knew he was there? He jumped up and walked to it. He hesitated for a moment but then opened. And there she stood, his incredible wife, in her dangerous beauty with a pale smile on her face. He smiled back and leaned against the door and crossed his arms.
'Hello Sweetie.' She said silent and peacefully. She seemed a bit tired but affectionate.
'Hello.' He said sadly. She stepped a bit closer and hugged him tight. He closed his arm around her. He realized how he missed her just now. He pulled her closer and squeezed tighter. They stood so for long minuits and none of them spoke. He let one single tear fall from his eye. She parted first. She saw his watered eyes and wiped the tear off his face.
'Oh Sweetie...' She whispered and hugged him again, now more tighter than before. She knew. She always knew.
After a bit more tears he parted. He sniffed and wiped the tears away.
'Sorry.' He said and smiled faintly. He widened the door and she slipped in and he closed it behind her. She was towards the consol but did not touch anything. Just put her clutch on the chair and leaned against the fence. He stepped behind her and hugged her and kissed her shoulder gently. She did not turn just smiled and lent her head back at his shoulder. She reached out and touched his face and felt the tears on it. She sighed deeply and turned to face him. Her arms rested on his shoulders and her hands touched his hazel hair.
'Speak to me.' She smiled sadly. He sighed but said nothing. Just smoothed her face and curly hair and studied her face like he would not be able to see her again. No, he would definitely see her again. He would have to take her to Darillium. But not now. Not soon. He wished 'soon' would be 'never'.
She saw the sadness in his eyes and tried to understand it - but now she couldn't figure it out. Not now, not for this once. She got scared. She always knew when something was wrong. She always knew what was wrong.
'What's the matter, Sweetie?' she asked whispering. He shook his head and smiled sadly.
'Nothing is wrong Darling.' He wiped a lock away from her eye and smoothed her face.
'I can see it in your eyes. So tell me: what's wrong, Sweetheart?' she tried again. He grabbed her hands and kissed them hard. Tears falled from his eyes again.
'Can't say. Spoilers.' He lifted up his head and met her eyes. She sighed in helplessness and kissed him deeply. After they parted, he held her forehead to his and spoke silently.
'You don't know how I missed you...' He began. She smoothed his face gently.
'I missed you all days. And I am so sorry River, I am so so sorry.' He started sobbing again. She hugged him tight and shushed in his ears.
'Nothing's wrong Sweetie. Everything is alright. You are here now and that's the one what matters.' She whispered. She didn't know he wasn't talking about being late. He was talking about something very different and - oh - so much painful.
It took a while till he calmed. But then he looked peaceful and smiled. He smoothed her face and spoke.
'You look gorgeous tonight.'
She giggled lightly and sighed.
'As you do Sweetie.' She said with love. 'You should wear tuxedo more often. But tell me -' she went serious 'why didn't you come to me? Why did you leave?'
He sighed.
'So you saw me...' He smiled sadly. 'Well... I felt it would be unfair.'
'Unfair?' She frowned.
'Yes.' He looked away. 'To interrupt. You seemed so happy with your friends. You had what you deserved at last. I could only take it away from you.'
She sighed.
'Never tell me you could take away happiness from me. You are my happiness.' She said and kissed him deep. 'And never ever tell me I seem happy with my friends. I can't be happy whole without you.' She said as they parted. He sighed and touched her face.
'I don't deserve you...' He whispered. At his surprise she slapped him.
'Stop it. Now. Just stop it. I'm not here for you 'cause you deserve me. Love isn't about deserving. So stop it.' She seemed angry but he knew it was only love which made her hitting him. He learned it along the years. So he let out a simple 'Ouch' and smiled at her.
'You won. I'll stop complaining.' His eyes glanced with play now. 'I stop because I have the most beautiful wife in the Universe. A bit dangerous but beautiful.'
'So, dangerous?' She pulled her eyebrows and crossed her arms.
'Yep. You can't say no to that.' He closed the space between them so they were just inches apart.
' 'Cause you knocked on my door all dressed up and looked dangerously sexy and wrapped me around your finger right when I first glimpsed at you tonight.' He potted her nose.
'So it is my fault?' She closed the space between their faces so they could feel each other's breath.
'Yes it is Professor Song and you'll pay for it.'
She saw the desire in his eyes.
'Pay for it? Really?' Her lips were already on his when talking. He couldn't play the game forever and she knew that. She already broke his will. He closed his arms around her and kissed her passionately. She kissed him back deeply and smoothed his hair. They squeezed for minuits when his hand started moving on her back looking for the zip. She laughed heartly when she realized what he was doing. He frowned.
'What's?' He asked. She laughed so hard she couldn't answer.
'What's up?' He asked confused. She calmed till she could answer him.
'Sweetie, you were always bad at taking clothes off.' She smiled. He looked confused. She laughed again and sighed.
'Women dresses like these have zips on their sides.' She said affectionate and kissed him smiling.
'Now c'mon, I'll show it to you in the bedroom.'
She grabbed his hand and pulled into the deep of the police box. And the TARDIS hummed happily to know everything would be fine again.